When things go wrong at work: how to change the story you tell yourself

Let's talk about one of my favourite mindset tools.

It’s essentially choosing which pair of glasses you’re going to put on to look at something that’s happening in your life.

One pair might show you everything that could go wrong, why this is terrible and all the reasons you should be worried.

The other pair doesn’t change what’s actually happening. But it helps you see the situation differently. What might be possible? What can you learn? Could this even end up working in your favour?

I’ve become pretty good at rocking that second pair.

In fact, I've been doing it for so many years that it's become one of the most powerful things I've ever learned for navigating the ups and downs of work and life.

I'd love to show you how to do it.

It's the story that matters

Something happens and almost immediately we create a story about what it means.

And that story matters because it affects how we feel and what we do next.

Situation → Thoughts → Emotions → Behaviours

Imagine you’ve just been made redundant.

You could tell yourself:

“There aren’t many jobs out there. What if I can’t find another one? What if I can’t support myself? This is terrible.”

Or:

“Okay. I didn’t choose this, but perhaps this is an opportunity for something new. There are possibilities I can’t see yet. I’m going to do everything I can to create a great next chapter, and I know I’ll look back and see how perfectly everything worked out.”

Same redundancy.

Different story.

Different emotions.

And potentially very different actions.

You might spot opportunities you would otherwise have missed. Reach out to people. Apply for roles with more confidence. Take a chance on something new.

And for sure, you'll feel better about yourself and your situation.

That's gold in itself.

By the way, there’s a name for this. It’s called reframing.

Why we so easily go to the negative

Our brains love the negative. We notice what went wrong far more easily than everything that went right. This is called our negativity bias.

That was rather handy when staying alive depended on noticing the sabre-toothed tiger before admiring the lovely sunset.

Less handy when your brain decides one awkward comment in a meeting deserves three hours of analysis.

But just because your brain serves up a negative thought doesn’t mean you have to roll with it.

When that thinking isn’t helping you, you can choose a different thought.

So, how do you do it?

First, catch yourself playing the negativity soundtrack.

Then ask:

Is there a more helpful way I could look at this?

That's it.

And if your brain goes, “Ummm... no idea!”, try one of these:

What good thing could come from this?

What am I learning?

Where could this lead?

How would I encourage a friend through this?

You’re not looking for some magical “right” answer. You’re simply looking for another way of seeing the situation that helps you feel better and move forward.

This isn't about pretending everything is fabulous when it clearly isn't.

You can be angry, disappointed, frightened or sad AND still choose not to let the most negative version of the story become the only version.

But wait, it gets easier!

I've been choosing to put on my rose-tinted glasses for years now, even (or especially!) through some pretty gnarly stuff.

I've literally trained myself to always find the rainbow, even in the middle of a storm.

I'm not perfect at it. And you don't need to be either. Sometimes I temporarily forget everything I know and spin out like you wouldn't believe. I don't stay stuck for long, though.

Heavy things just don't feel as heavy as they used to. I know I'm only ever one new thought away from feeling better about whatever's going on.

And that, for me, is the real power of this.

Your life, your story

You can't control everything that happens in your career or your life.

But you have full control over the story you tell yourself about it.

So next time life throws you something you didn't order, put on ya big ole rose-tinted glasses.

I promise you'll feel better, see more possibilities and be in a much better place to decide what to do next.

Candice